Pressure
I have been meaning to write this blog for quite some time. I have never really known how to approach this subject matter despite the topic being constantly on my mind and bearing heavily on my direction and motivation. If you know me at all, I am usually an upbeat and optimistic individual. I approach mostly everything with a smile on my face, a fair amount of confidence in my step, and a heart filled with hope. But like everybody, I experience moments where I pause and become overwhelmed by doubt.
Whenever I catch news of someone I know being accepted into the school or program of their choice, I can feel my heart becoming heavier with every single beat. On one hand, I am honestly happy for them and their accomplishments. On the other, it causes me to analyze myself and my current position in life while raising innumerable insecurities. It is during these moments that I can find myself wading deep in my personal frustrations and worries. I ask myself if I am really doing the right thing.. why I failed to do certain things better.. if I am truly giving it my all.. and if I am even good enough to do what I want to do.
At the age of 25, it is easy to feel forlorn and frustrated with my current situation. Yes, I think it is wonderful that I finally feel as if I have true direction and motivation.. but why am I not there yet? Better yet.. will I ever get there? And I know that this is the worst thing to say.. that everything I do, I should choose to do it for myself.. but I feel as if there are so many people counting on me and wanting me to succeed. My loving parents and family have supported me throughout practically everything without fail. And I feel as if I have nothing to offer back to them. (to be continued)
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1 comments:
I am very familiar with this form of pressure, Daryn. Attending law school and failing the bar exam is probably my biggest failure in life.
But there is hope! No matter what door is closed, another door is opening up. You have to make the best of every situation, even if original plans don't work out.
And if you are diligent and passionate about that one thing, you will accomplish it. It's all about willpower and the sacrifices needed to make that one thing happen. I wasn't willing to sacrifice anymore time or money to become a lawyer and when I look back on such failure and the consequences thereafter, I am so happy I made this decision.
You will choose wisely. And you will prevail.
Memorize Jeremiah 29:11. This verse alone inspires me no matter what happens. I'll be praying for you, bro!
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