Another Year Gone By

With acceptance letters being mailed out comes the familiar feeling of regret and dismay. This is always a difficult time of the year for me and I've blogged about it before in a previous entry titled "Pressure". This coupled with the fact that another year has just passed is just the icing on the triple layer cake of wompiness. 'Tis no bueno.

Without a doubt - I am incredibly happy and proud of my friends and fellow classmates who have received their acceptance letters to the schools of their choice. And yes, I realize how silly it sounds seeing as how I have yet to apply. Thus far, I have yet to grant any school the opportunity to reject me. It's been my defense mechanism. This entire time, I have rejected myself and dismissed what I might be truly capable of. It's all a constant reminder that I am falling further and further behind. Yes, I know that everyone moves at their own pace and at the end of the day, the only person that I am truly competing with is my own self. I hate voicing my complaints. By all accounts, I lead a relatively decent life. I am alive and healthy, I have a wonderful family, a great group of friends and I am slowly but surely working towards my goals. But I'm not coming from a place of perfect logic and reasoning. I'm coming from an emotionally-charged land where I am my own biggest bully. I feel old, I feel behind, and at times I feel beaten.


It's so easy to think back to the first few years of my undergraduate studies and think how much simpler things could have been. Make good grades, do well on the DAT, display interest in the field of my choice, apply and get accepted. A seemingly simple formula. Perhaps one day in the future, I'll reminisce back to when I was 26 and whining about my lack of progress and chuckle and think about how much easier I had it back then. Or perhaps I'll smile and think about how it was all worth it. I'm still not seeing the bigger picture and I don't think I will until the end of my journey.


I know that I am taking the proper steps now but I still cannot help but compare myself to those around me. I finally registered for the DAT. I've explained to countless people how I felt the DAT was the last barrier between me and applying to dental school. It seemed to stand in my way like a giant overshadowing all of my aspirations. I felt that if I wasn't 100% prepared, if I didn't give it all I had, then I would not succeed. And if I did not succeed, it would dash all of my hopes and dreams about dental school. I finally mustered the courage to cast that all aside. The date is set and there's no turning back.

I'll succumb to my personal pity party for maybe a few more hours if that (which is so much more than it deserves). After that, I'll get back to hitting the books. It's times like these that remind me of one of my favorite Barney Stinson quotes from How I Met Your Mother:
"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.. true story."

I have a lot that I want to accomplish in my life. It's a new year. It's up to me to make it a happy and successful one. Let's go.