Deal Breakers

Continuing on with the theme of "soul mates".. for the longest time, I have wanted to post a blog describing what I am looking for in a relationship. Something along the lines of what a good friend of mine Nathan has done very well. Unfortunately, I myself have not yet been able to do so without coming off seemingly needy, whiny, unrealistic, and desperate. Indeed I am my own worst critic.


Dually inspired by Nathan and another good friend of mine, Mike (who coincidentally was one of my personal inspirations for blogging AND watching How I Met Your Mother), I have mustered up enough courage to share my thoughts on Mike's eloquently phrased post (albeit 7 years ago prior to his marriage) on the concept of intolerable traits or "dealbreakers" as referred to by the youth of today (yes, I've embraced my old age).

Additional thoughts on each point of which I would like to share have been added in italics.

"10 Aspects of a Relationship I Will Never Tolerate

1. Isolationist: if she ever restricts me from communicating with my family (unless it’s something terribly personal about her and her direct family), I will not tolerate it. Good relationships open you to more people. Bad relationships isolate you from others. I could not agree with this more. Seeing how my family and loves ones have assumed such an integral role in my life, I would never put up with anyone who would lead me otherwise. Having your significant other complain to you about your own sister (and vice versa) is NOT a fun situation.
   
2. Language Barriers: she must be able to speak sufficient English to prevent unnecessary miscommunication. We should be able to talk to each other for more than two hours without worrying about any misunderstandings. Communication should be easy and without any excessive effort to say how one feels. I'm glad that Mike made this point as I can completely relate.
   
3. Short-Temperament: she must be patient and tolerant. Any short fuse will lead to a short-term relationship. I am a fairly tolerant person. I have (and still do) put with a lot of people who I consider to be intolerant. It is not a trait that I am looking for in a significant other.
   
4. Hermitage: she must have a direct and close bond with friends and family. She must not place all her eggs of happiness into one basket. She must be happy without me, but perhaps happier with me. Yes, yes, and YES! Despite my lovey-dovey mentality, I consider it extremely important to maintain a sense of independence. I have felt that pressure before.'Tis no bueno.
   
5. Drugs: She must not be a drug user. This includes smoking cigarettes. Smoking kills. It also stinks! Haha, I've only kissed one girl who smoked. Never again.
   
6. Height Sensitive: she must not be concerned with her significant other’s height. Sensitivity to height is a red flag that she will be more sensitive to other superficial 'flaws' I cannot control. Although at 5'10" I have never had to deal with this issue, I can definitely identify with similar physical factors.
   
7. Apathy: Showing a lack of feeling or practicing stoicism extinguishes my passion for life and others. Saying phrases such as “whatever,” “I guess,” or “I don’t care” will lead to an immediate step to ending the relationship. I think this also falls along the lines of a willingness for communication. Even I get to certain points in my dealings with others where I find myself exasperated and wanting to do nothing but escape it all. But I always try to maintain that sense of commitment.
   
8. Whining: she must not resort to excessive complaining or disturbing noises to get her point across in a conflict. I am a fan of direct communication. It's as simple as that.
   
9. Obesity: she must not be much fatter than me. Obesity could be prevented by the majority of the human population - so yes, this rule applies to the majority who do not prioritize their health as something to work hard for. As superficial as it comes off, I have to be attracted to her. After having two different instances of weight loss, exercise and healthy eating are important factors that I want to maintain. I wish to be with someone who encourages me to keep up a healthy lifestyle and vice versa.
   
10. Worldly Ignorance: she must be aware and active of her surroundings in terms of economic, social, and political affairs. Those who are aware of the injustices and suffering outside their bubbles of life are more appreciative and caring with their personal circumstances. While I am not too big into economics nor politics, I do like to take an interest in current events and general world news. Those who make an effort to expand their horizons by keeping up with the times are better off for doing so."

Yeah. That sounds a lot better than "cute girl who loves playing tennis and eating sushi".

So once again, thank you to Nathan and Mike for the inspiration and the words. And thank you, dear reader, for taking the time to read my writing.

Cheers!